i'm in a bit of Seinfeld-ish mood as i write this, but what the fuck is the deal with the optometrist? In the 21st century doctors can saw off the top of your fucking eyeball, widdle down your shitty corneas, fold over the flaps, put in some antibiotic drops, and two days later you're boucing on cloud 9 becuase your vision has been completely transformed, but we STILL have that goddamn black contraption the optometrist puts in front of your face which you then spend the next 20 fucking minutes trying to decide:
"Okay, now which one looks better? 1 or 2?"
"uhhhhhhhhh, one?"
"Okay, now 3 or 4?"
"ummmmmmm....."
"3......... and 4."
"Uh, lemme see 3 again...... and 4...... uhhhhhhhh, about the same."
"and now which is better, 1 or 2?"
"Doc, they all look about the fucking same. Can't you hook me up to a doo-hickey that just fucking measures my shit and then shits out a prescription? Please? pretty please?!?!"
"And here's 1 again...... and two..."
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!"
For serious though, is this real yet? Has someone taken the slight step forward and improved this hundred year old technology yet? and if not, does anyone want to invest? btw, i totally printed this post, and will be mailing it to myself on the marrow, so don't get any sneaky ideas you fucking snakes!
I love you all. Sorry for yelling.
'
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Monday, May 31, 2010
Current Affairs with Gordon Chesterfield
It seems that every day or so, the public is inundated with a wash of information dubbed as newsworthy. Trite and sensational, this noise is approaching a cochophony of silliness. As a mediator of the real and the antagonist of antipathy (kind of, this post will probably not seem like it), i feel it is essential for me to weigh in on the important topics of the day.
Shall we get started?
"BP and the fantastic fucking failure to fucking fix a fucking fuck-up"
All i can say to this is "are you serious?" Proof of the absolute absurdity and ridiculousness of the sham we know as modern business ethics. Only in America can a company catastrophically fuck shit up and actually make money off the whole deal. Don't believe me? Rig is covered by insurance, so all losses... recouped. Price of oil... skyrocketed. Stock... see the latter. And then these fucking jokers fill the airwaves with their next abomination of a fix. I'm still waiting for some some dipshit to slack-jaw his way onto a "news" show and tell the (for lack of a better word) slack-jawed public masses their next idea is "let us handle this and stop asking so many damn questions, but for the time being look at this picture of a dog riding a tricycle!"
"Now Gordon, you seem to have strong words on what's wrong with this problem, but you aren't offering any solutions. Why should we listen to you and not the experts?"
A solid point, but a flawed one. You want to fix the problem? Forget what you know about the concept of an expert, these jerk-offs are experts on fabricating reasons for you to continue buying their product, so stop it. Then, use some non petrol-based methods of energy, there are certainly a few other options to choose from. By the way, this ain't a rant about saving the environment. THIS is a rant about shaking up power structures and abolishing a cartel that has been long overdue to go belly-up.
I'm done with this bullshit. Peace out, yo!
Shall we get started?
"BP and the fantastic fucking failure to fucking fix a fucking fuck-up"
All i can say to this is "are you serious?" Proof of the absolute absurdity and ridiculousness of the sham we know as modern business ethics. Only in America can a company catastrophically fuck shit up and actually make money off the whole deal. Don't believe me? Rig is covered by insurance, so all losses... recouped. Price of oil... skyrocketed. Stock... see the latter. And then these fucking jokers fill the airwaves with their next abomination of a fix. I'm still waiting for some some dipshit to slack-jaw his way onto a "news" show and tell the (for lack of a better word) slack-jawed public masses their next idea is "let us handle this and stop asking so many damn questions, but for the time being look at this picture of a dog riding a tricycle!"
"Now Gordon, you seem to have strong words on what's wrong with this problem, but you aren't offering any solutions. Why should we listen to you and not the experts?"
A solid point, but a flawed one. You want to fix the problem? Forget what you know about the concept of an expert, these jerk-offs are experts on fabricating reasons for you to continue buying their product, so stop it. Then, use some non petrol-based methods of energy, there are certainly a few other options to choose from. By the way, this ain't a rant about saving the environment. THIS is a rant about shaking up power structures and abolishing a cartel that has been long overdue to go belly-up.
I'm done with this bullshit. Peace out, yo!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
This is a poem.... Kind of.
Hello snowflakes, all of you beautiful unique little miracles, how are you?
Have you lived today?
Have you loved today?
Are making the most of your fleeting existence as you drift oh so gently toward the earth, destined for re-absorbtion?
Can you answer me, little snowflakes?
Of course you can't. That would be silly.
Everyone knows that snowflakes can't talk.
no, snowflakes are unaware of the chaotic forces that birthed them, the majesty of their existence, the beauty in their structure, so delicate so frail.
Snowflakes are content to drift effortlessly in the wind, in an aimless dance as they intermingle at the whim of the breeze.
Enough friendly banter little snowflakes,
wake the fuck up.
it's June and you're boring-ass rain.
Have you lived today?
Have you loved today?
Are making the most of your fleeting existence as you drift oh so gently toward the earth, destined for re-absorbtion?
Can you answer me, little snowflakes?
Of course you can't. That would be silly.
Everyone knows that snowflakes can't talk.
no, snowflakes are unaware of the chaotic forces that birthed them, the majesty of their existence, the beauty in their structure, so delicate so frail.
Snowflakes are content to drift effortlessly in the wind, in an aimless dance as they intermingle at the whim of the breeze.
Enough friendly banter little snowflakes,
wake the fuck up.
it's June and you're boring-ass rain.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
My musing of the day.
What if life had a save feature? Imagine the possibilities of reviewing past checkpoints and starting over from a specific moment. Didn't like the outcome of a specific event? BAM! fuck you consequence, this shit works for ME! Really really liked the outcome of a particular decision? Booyah! Let's do it again!!
Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves, I'm not talking about unlimited saves. That would just be silly. I'm thinking like, maybe ten slots. Ten is a good round number. That would keep one involved in some sort of decision making process where new events would have to overwrite previous entries. I mean, c'mon, where's the challenge when you can just recall a thousand different awesome moments at will?
Better yet, what about changing difficulty levels? Impossible odds not working in your favor? SOI SOI SOI! Ride your ROFLcoptor clear over it to easy street. On the flipside, if you're stuck in a rut or not being challenged enough, ramp up that difficulty and take it to the MAXXX! dragons hiding in your tennis shoes and fire ants that literally breathe fire... that sort of thing. wow, now isn't life interesting?
Truth be told, we're pretty far off from a life like that; Matrix-style and what-not. But a man can dream, right?
Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves, I'm not talking about unlimited saves. That would just be silly. I'm thinking like, maybe ten slots. Ten is a good round number. That would keep one involved in some sort of decision making process where new events would have to overwrite previous entries. I mean, c'mon, where's the challenge when you can just recall a thousand different awesome moments at will?
Better yet, what about changing difficulty levels? Impossible odds not working in your favor? SOI SOI SOI! Ride your ROFLcoptor clear over it to easy street. On the flipside, if you're stuck in a rut or not being challenged enough, ramp up that difficulty and take it to the MAXXX! dragons hiding in your tennis shoes and fire ants that literally breathe fire... that sort of thing. wow, now isn't life interesting?
Truth be told, we're pretty far off from a life like that; Matrix-style and what-not. But a man can dream, right?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
da ecomonee
ah the economy, the end all be all of our vacuous void of a country... in God we trust right? everyone is shitting their little pants because no one knows what to do, and the people in the position to do something are just trying to throw money at the problem. does this work? no, because the whole economy relies on the illusion of trust. trust in one's money, trust in one's investments, trust in the products that you mindless consumers throw your paper and plastic at every day...
but the problem is, no one trusts anyone or anything anymore. hence the pointless "tea party" protests. based on what the television tells us, the country is in an uproar about who gets what, who is getting theirs and who is getting fucked. the bottom line is that everyone is getting fucked. even the super rich, because shortly, their billions of dollars won't be worth the paper they are printed on. you can't just print money and fix the problem of not enough money flowing through businesses. that money, or trust, has to come from somewhere.
so loans are taken out, money is printed. inflation goes up, debts accrue. the populous gets more and more afraid, so they stop consuming. the money that got printed sits and stagnates in bank accounts... and eventually the weell just dries up. (i know, this writing is full of euphemisms and cliches, but that is what most people understand these days. kind of sad.)
but for the sake of argument let's just say that everyone stops buying, oh.... paper towels. too expensive. think of how many businesses rely on paper towels to operate. the lumber company that cuts down the trees. the company that makes the machinery that the lumber company needs to cut down the trees. the fuel company the lumber company uses to power those machines that cut down the trees, also to power the other machines used to transport the wood built by a completely different company. then you have the manufacturing plant that takes the wood and turns it into raw pulp. then there's the company that manufactures the chemicals that bleach the pulp. the utility companies that provide the electricity and water to the manufacturing plant....
(breathe)
...then, after you've got the paper, don't forget about the company who will emboss their name on it. there is the company, we'll say Scott Paper Company, also the design firm who takes care of branding, also the plastics company who manufactures the wrapping, the other paper company that manufactures the paper rolls, the factory that spools and wraps the paper towels, the packaging company that provides the bulk packaging, the second transportation company taht takes the finished bulk freight to the storage warehouse, the distributor, the final transport, to the retail location.
don't get me started on after the end user is finished with said paper towels.
the point is, just a little thing that everyone takes for granted like paper towels can have an impact on thousands of people. one product that could cut into the profits of every contributing business, who will then lay off their workforce to keep stock prices steady in an already exponentially shifting market.
it's all so fragile to begin with. and then the old ecomonee has to come in and muk things up even worse. when are we all going to realize that it's time to do something radically different? that the status quo is no longer relevant and our complacency is the cancer eating us alive?
sadly, i have no optimistic answer for how to fix things. the breakdown and collapse of industrialized society is a real possibility unless the course of events is drastically altered. to think, how humbling would it be if the great and powerful United States of America had to ask one of those "third-world" countries how to survive.
well, my musings for the day are over. happy Easter everyone. enjoy your colored eggs and candy.
but the problem is, no one trusts anyone or anything anymore. hence the pointless "tea party" protests. based on what the television tells us, the country is in an uproar about who gets what, who is getting theirs and who is getting fucked. the bottom line is that everyone is getting fucked. even the super rich, because shortly, their billions of dollars won't be worth the paper they are printed on. you can't just print money and fix the problem of not enough money flowing through businesses. that money, or trust, has to come from somewhere.
so loans are taken out, money is printed. inflation goes up, debts accrue. the populous gets more and more afraid, so they stop consuming. the money that got printed sits and stagnates in bank accounts... and eventually the weell just dries up. (i know, this writing is full of euphemisms and cliches, but that is what most people understand these days. kind of sad.)
but for the sake of argument let's just say that everyone stops buying, oh.... paper towels. too expensive. think of how many businesses rely on paper towels to operate. the lumber company that cuts down the trees. the company that makes the machinery that the lumber company needs to cut down the trees. the fuel company the lumber company uses to power those machines that cut down the trees, also to power the other machines used to transport the wood built by a completely different company. then you have the manufacturing plant that takes the wood and turns it into raw pulp. then there's the company that manufactures the chemicals that bleach the pulp. the utility companies that provide the electricity and water to the manufacturing plant....
(breathe)
...then, after you've got the paper, don't forget about the company who will emboss their name on it. there is the company, we'll say Scott Paper Company, also the design firm who takes care of branding, also the plastics company who manufactures the wrapping, the other paper company that manufactures the paper rolls, the factory that spools and wraps the paper towels, the packaging company that provides the bulk packaging, the second transportation company taht takes the finished bulk freight to the storage warehouse, the distributor, the final transport, to the retail location.
don't get me started on after the end user is finished with said paper towels.
the point is, just a little thing that everyone takes for granted like paper towels can have an impact on thousands of people. one product that could cut into the profits of every contributing business, who will then lay off their workforce to keep stock prices steady in an already exponentially shifting market.
it's all so fragile to begin with. and then the old ecomonee has to come in and muk things up even worse. when are we all going to realize that it's time to do something radically different? that the status quo is no longer relevant and our complacency is the cancer eating us alive?
sadly, i have no optimistic answer for how to fix things. the breakdown and collapse of industrialized society is a real possibility unless the course of events is drastically altered. to think, how humbling would it be if the great and powerful United States of America had to ask one of those "third-world" countries how to survive.
well, my musings for the day are over. happy Easter everyone. enjoy your colored eggs and candy.
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